How to Save A Life
by doublebubble04000
Summary: This is a story about Hermione after her mum dies. She finds new ways to cope with her pain. That is, until someone catches her and teaches her that there are better ways to deal with stress. R/Hr
1. Summer Relapses

I Know What You Did Last Summer- Chapter One

**Summer Relapses- Chapter One**

Hermione stepped through Platform 9 ¾ on September first at 10:45am lugging a large and heavy trunk and a basket enclosing her feisty cat, Crookshanks. The day was cloudy and chilly; Hermione was bundled up in a warm brown sweater. After having someone assist her with her belongings she sat down in an empty compartment to wait for her beloved friends. To pass time by Hermione pulled out a textbook and began to read. She was just finishing a half-memorized passage whenever she was met by two familiar faces, one sporting inky hair the other scarlet.

"Hermione, we've been looking everywhere for you!" Ron said with a voice full of relief then quickly switching to concern he continued, "Why didn't you come this summer, I must have invited you twenty times, Mum and Dad were getting worried about you." Hermione dropped her head and muttered something about her Mum that none of them could hear. "Sorry, we didn't catch that, what did you say?" Hermione lifted her head and swallowed before taking a deep breath and repeating, "My mum died."

"Oh Hermione, I am so sorry," Harry said dropping next to her and putting his hand on her back rubbing slowly to comfort her. Ron paled and dropped to the seat across from the two. He couldn't believe that something like that would happen to Hermione, the girl he was crazy about, the girl that had risked all to help her friends. He looked up from the ground at his hurt friend and asked, "How?" That's all it took to get the dam to break and Hermione to burst into the tears she swore she wouldn't shed.

She never answered but instead held her face in her hands not wanting to let her friends see her in weakened state. After a few minutes of the two boys trying to bring comfort to the pained girl, Hermione leapt out of her seat to go to the bathroom, hoping no one would follow her.

Once she stepped out of the lavatory with her face washed Hermione headed to the prefect's compartment to give directions. Once entering the room she immediately noticed Ron, looking at her with concern, his eyes never once breaking the contact he had on her solemn face. "Finally decide to grace us with your presence, Granger? I was thinking that you must think that your tainted blood is too important for us, but that you had to at least make an appearance so we wouldn't think-" Malfoy was abruptly cut off by the connection of a pale fist to his esophagus. Ron was shouting obscenities at the flaxen haired boy with addition to the blows that he was delivering to his face. Ron wanted to cause Draco Malfoy as much pain as he could humanly possible in retaliation to the nasty things he was saying to Hermione.

A ravenclaw 6th year broke up the fight after recovering from the immediate actions that had taken place before his eyes. Once Ron was pulled away from Malfoy and was restrained Hermione looked at the golden haired boy. It looked as if the blow to his esophagus had ruptured it and it seemed that he was having trouble breathing. She ran out of the compartment and started to scream for the help of someone who could fix the problem.

The woman with the trolley of sweets was making her way down the train so Hermione called out to her. "Did I miss you, sweetie?" The trolley lady asked kindly. Hermione quickly replied, "No, there is an emergency in the prefect's compartment, help!" By this time she was almost panic-stricken with making sure that Malfoy, no matter how slimy he was, didn't die. Hermione knew a charm that could heal him herself, but she didn't want to risk doing it wrong and causing the situation to worsen. The squat food cart lady hustled as fast as her little legs would carry her down the passageway, nearly shoving Hermione from in front of the prefect's compartment. With one look at Malfoy the witch pulled out an unusually long wand, and with a flick of the wrist healed Malfoy's purple concave throat. The towheaded boy coughed a few times and glanced up, gratitude filling his silver eyes. Quickly they became expressionless as he muttered a soft "whatever" before storming out of the compartment. "Who in Dumbledore's name was responsible for that, was it you?" The squat lady snapped rounding on Ron, who very obviously was involved somehow, for his lip was cut and his cheek was rapidly swelling matching well with his purple eye. "Malfoy deserved it, honestly! He was making fun of Hermione and-" Ron was suddenly cut off by the voice of a second women. "Don't, Ron." Hermione was looking at the floor avoiding the many sets of eyes upon her emotionless face. Ron ceased to speak and the squat witch told him that he lost 20 points for Gryffindor already and to behave himself. Hermione slowly went around to all of the other prefects and told them quietly the passwords to their houses and made a short announcement about their duties, not reciting any of the motivational speech she had written early in the summer, hoping and dreaming she would get the role of Head Girl.

Hermione quietly left the room, hoping no one would pay any attention due to the bustling around. She set off toward the rear of the train, finally finding the only empty compartment. Hermione lied down on the green carpeted floor, in the fetal position, and cried. The beginning of the summer had been glorious, she was excited to be home and see her parents again, excited to be able to sleep in her bed and not wake up until noon (not that she slept in the much however), excited to see her muggle friends who were under the impression that Hermione went to an expensive boarding school in Norway, she was excited for the invite to go off to The Burrow and just have fun with her best friends.

All of that came crashing down however, and she accomplished hardly any of the things she was excited to be doing. Her mother was an alcoholic. They had kept that fact from her for the six years Hermione had been going to Hogwarts. That's when it had started, "out of worry for her little girl going to a mysterious boarding school", or at least that was what her father told her. They had hidden it so well because of the little time Hermione actually spent with her parents.

All of the sudden the door slid open, slowly, almost as if to ask permission. Hermione looked up and saw the faces of her two best friends. One looked with concern, and the other with empathy. The empathetic boy, Harry, sat on a seat whereas Ron lied down next to Hermione as she sobbed. He looked down at the pathetic sight in front of him and wrapped his arms around it. Ron then realized that this was the first time he had ever seen Hermione cry. He decided immediately that he didn't like it. She was such a wonderful person and everything had been going right in her life, then it all went to hell.

Hermione cried like she'd never cried before, she was shaking it hurt so badly. She wanted the pain to end; she wanted to forget it had all happened. Her hands that had once been covering her deep brown eyes had now moved to her head. She was digging her nails into her scalp, and she didn't even notice out of sheer lack of concentration on anything else but her mind. Ron noticed though and pulled her hands away and set them on his shoulders. He winced once or twice, due to the half-moon shaped cuts that were sure to be forming under his sweater, but he never let her know that he was making him uncomfortable. Harry sat in the seat and looked upon the scene on the floor below him. His best friend was comforting his other best friend in a way he didn't think Ron knew. Ron was always so awkward around other people in emotional settings like this. But it seemed that he knew exactly what he was doing so, in turn, Harry was now unsure of what to do.

A few minutes later Hermione peeled herself off of Ron and sat up against the wall, sniffling, and still crying slightly. Ron moved and sat next to her so she wouldn't feel alone. The remainder of the trip was sat in silence until Hermione looked at her watch and announced quietly that they should put their robes on, since they would be arriving shortly. She got up and went back to the restroom and rinsed her face, and then she headed back to their original compartment to get her robes.

**Author's Note (A/N):**

Hey, I'm Katie and it is a very emotional thing to lose a parent and this is also the first time that I've really made a story about it. I do know what I am talking about to an extent, however. My own mother died of alcohol poisoning two weeks before I turned eleven. Her funeral was the day before my brothers birthday (my dad had to leave ASAP for China on business) so it really affected all of us. I thought it might make a strong story, especially for Hermione's character, so here it is.  Enjoy!


	2. Wasted Niche

Wasted Niche- Chapter Two

**Wasted Niche- Chapter Two**

Ron was looking at his golden plate with glee, the food had appeared and he was eager to start one of his favorite parts of Hogwarts, the feast. Hermione was sitting across from him and watched as he swallowed a heaping spoonful of mashed potatoes and brown gravy. Harry was eating at a fast pace too, but not quite enough to match his best friend. Hermione, on the other hand, barely touched any of her food; she couldn't eat with all of the things that were going through her mind.

Hermione had told her best friends that her mom had died; she wasn't sure how she felt about them knowing the most painful thing that had ever happened to her. Harry could relate, she knew that, him having been an orphan for seventeen years. Ron had never really lost anyone in his family though. As a mark of the trio's friendship they didn't push her into telling them exactly what had happened. Hermione was grateful because she knew that she wasn't ready to let anyone else hear about all of it yet.

"Hey, aren't you going to eat that?" Ron asked, his voice filling with a slight concern. Hermione shook her head and looked at her nearly full plate. Ron picked up his glass, got a sip of pumpkin juice, and then sat everything down. Arms crossed and a determined look upon his face, Ron leaned back in his chair and defiantly stated, "Then I won't either." Harry looked at Ron, mimicked his actions, and then agreed. Hermione was furious. "No, my choice to not eat shouldn't have to affect the two of you in any shape or form, do you hear me? I have too much on my mind and even if I did eat, it probably wouldn't stay down." The boys looked at her as if they hadn't heard anything and just openly stared at her defiantly.

They all sat in silence, people glancing over at them and their plates occasionally. After a bit of time passed a ringing of glass sounded from the Head table, Dumbledore was going to give his annual speech.

A slight cough came from the back of Dumbledore's throat before he started speaking. "Welcome to another year of fine magical education. Those who are new, we hope that you will find Hogwarts to be a lovely and appealing place. As you all know Mr. Filch, our caretaker has a list of all items banned on the door to his office, I hope all of you can take a peek at that to make sure everything in your possession is permissible. Remember that the Forbidden Forest is still forbidden, and that your Head Boy, Head Girl, and prefects should be treated with the highest respect, which means listening and obeying them. On that note, your new Head Boy and Head Girl is Draco Malfoy and Hermione Granger, will the two of you please stand?" Hermione slowly rose from her chair and gave the room a forced smile and wave before sitting back down. "Well, I think that's all for now as I'm sure your stomach and eyes are full. So have a good night sleep, Goodbye!" Dumbledore called.

After settling all of the first year students and explaining the basic rules to them Hermione went into the lobby to sit with her best friends the last time before schoolwork started up. They were already sitting in their favorite overstuffed armchairs next to the roaring fire. Hermione plopped down in her pink pajamas in one of them and cuddled into it. The day had been very tiring and Hermione just wanted to sleep in the armchair, but knew she wouldn't because as Head Girl, she had her own bedroom in the girl's dormitories. "So what do you think of the first years this year, Hermione?" After yawning loudly she spoke, "They are so small, you never would have thought that we were ever that small." The two boys nodded in agreement, and the three just sat and made small talk before all setting off for bed.

Hermione walked into her room for the second time and was still amazed. The room wasn't particularly grand but it was nice, and it was all hers'. The bed was a queen sized bed with a cozy red comforter. The walls were painted a pale gold, not overwhelming and overpowering by any means. The floors were a solid oak wood and there was an oak wardrobe in the corner of the room next to a rather large desk. There were lamps placed miscellaneously around the room that added the perfect amount of light. Hermione walked over to the tidy bed and crawled under the covers, just wanting the day to be done with.

Unfortunately the events of the day blocked all drowsiness so that it was impossible for Hermione to quickly fall asleep. She was thinking about Ron and how much he stuck up for her and helped the best that he could. It was a sweet, friendly, protective gesture that she appreciated. She made a mental note to tell him how nice it had been later on when she a little more stable. Finally what seemed like hours later Hermione's eyes began to droop and she was able to fall into a deep sleep.

Ron lay wide awake in his four-poster bed and stared at the stone ceiling. In all seven years that he'd attended Hogwarts he'd never really thought about the ceiling. Sure, he looked at it sometimes at night but he had never truly thought about it. It didn't really make much of a difference due to the small fact that he wasn't seriously thinking about the ceiling now either. His mind was entirely on a certain girl so that there wasn't any other room in his head for petty things such as the plaster above him.

Hermione was everything a sensible male could want. She was smart, pretty, and extremely loyal. Ron wondered why half of the male population at Hogwarts wasn't drooling all over anything she had ever touched. After pondering it for a few moments Ron came to the conclusion that it was because she never showed any interest in any of the guys at Hogwarts before. Ron knew he wasn't good enough for Hermione and it crushed him. He knew that she would never even consider dating him. Ron was poor, average; there was nothing special about him. What set him apart from someone like Harry, or Dean, or Viktor Krum? Nothing. Nothing at all made him special or worthwhile. He was just another Weasley boy, perhaps the most average of all. Ron sighed loudly and then rolled over in his bed to go to sleep.

The following morning was bright, cheery even. This seemed very poor way to start a new school year in Ron's opinion. He wished it was a dreary day so that he didn't long so much to be outside. He stifled a yawn and swung his feet slowly out of the warm, cozy bed.

After putting on his uniform Ron went out into the common room with Harry to wait for Hermione. Fifteen minutes passed and there was still no sign of the boy's friend so they left assuming that she had already gone to breakfast. "I don't see her," Harry stated once the duo arrived at the Great Hall. Ron nodded his head, ran over to a table, grabbed toast and started walking back to the Gryffindor tower. Harry sighed and followed, silently missing the breakfast he never even got a good look at.

The comforter on Hermione's bed rustled when she turned over to get more comfortable. The bed was so warm and lush her body refused to wake up. She was tired and finally, in her true home, was she able to go into a deep sleep and just rest. This stopped abruptly however when a loud knock followed by a voice shouting that they were coming in startled her enough to cause her to leap into an upright position. Ginny Weasley shoved her head into the room ready to drag Hermione out of bed. She had been standing at the door for a good five minutes knocking before finally barging in. "Hermione breakfast started forty-five minutes ago, get up and get dressed!" Hermione shrieked and leapt out of bed running around her room looking for her clothes. After finding them and getting herself dressed and her bag ready she ran out into the common room ready to have to run to Professor McGonagall to apologize and receive her schedule. Harry and Ron were standing in the middle of the room whispering to one another and immediately stopped when the two girls appeared looking very disgruntled and rushed. Ron sensing what the worry was about spoke up, "Hermione, chill. McGonagall hadn't even started to pass out schedules when Harry and I were down at breakfast a few minutes ago.

Hermione caught her breath and then strolled out of the room on her way to breakfast not waiting to see if anyone was following her. She didn't have to though because as soon as she had started to walk everyone did too. After receiving their schedules Hermione reverted some back to her old self and started to make notes on them. On Ginny's she put pieces of advice and stars to indicate the difficulty of the class. On Ron's and Harry's she put little tidbits referring to a study timetable she thought would be appropriate based on what she had heard about the classes. No one really appreciated all of the markings Hermione was putting on their papers but no one dared to say anything about it since the girl was showing a bit of her old self and the group wanted to encourage it as much as possible to help her through her grief.

"Ms. Granger, can you please demonstrate the correct way to do the _Metaformagio_ charm?" Professor McGonagall stared at Hermione expectantly, almost a little eager to award her house some points. "Sorry, I can't professor," she replied quietly becoming very interested in her shoelaces. The teacher looked disappointed and went and asked a Ravenclaw student who successfully turned their turtle into a chimpanzee. By the end of class Professor McGonagall had asked Hermione four questions, none of which the girl could even muster a guess at. Therefore, Hermione was told to stay after class and she was quite nervous for the conversation she expected was going to take place.

After class Hermione went up to Professor McGonagall's desk and stared back into the cold eyes before her. "This is an N.E.W.T. level class Ms. Granger, I expected you, of all people, to be able to handle the coursework."

"I'll try harder professor."

"You shouldn't need to try any harder if you still had the work ethics you used to have."

"I know, I just haven't been feeling very good these past few months, I'll come prepared tomorrow, I promise."

Professor McGonagall looked up with disappointment at the girl in front of her and stated, "I really do hope so Ms. Granger."

Hermione walked out of the class, her head bent with shame. Ron and Harry walked closely behind her and tried to cheer her up. "Hermione, we'll help you study for next class, we'll even make _you_ a study schedule. Next time you walk through that door McGonagall will have to charm your mouth closed so that you can't answer any questions!" "Gryffindor will be rewarded so many points we will have to purposely get them taken away so the other houses won't get too jealous!" Hermione smiled and made herself lift her chin. "Yeah, you're right. Next class we have is potions; you know Snape won't call me in there unless he is forced."

The trio walked the rest of the way to class somewhat optimistic that potions would be better than transfiguration.

No such luck. This time Professor Snape pointed out to the entire class that he could not believe that Hermione made it into the advanced class with roots cut like hers. Not to mention the catastrophic event that she forgot to smell her potion to ensure the readiness of it. The Gryffindors of the class (all 3 of them, the trio themselves) all got double the length for their essays about the use of vampire teeth in a potion. This was probably assigned, not necessarily for Hermione's mistakes, but for Ron's eye roll that followed the admiration that Malfoy got for his less-then-perfect potion.

Hermione wanted to cry. The homework wasn't that bad but the fact that she was messing up so much. Her grades were her shining moment. Harry had the whole saving the world bit, Ron had a great personality. What she had was on its' way to going down the drain and would if she didn't shapen up some.

Ron looked over at Hermione, her face was downcast. He nudged her and gave her a reassuring smile before picking up his stuff to leave the class for lunch. They followed his suit and the three friends made their way to the dungeon door. Once in the corridor Hermione turned toward the boys and announced that she was going to the library to study and that they should just go eat by themselves. Ron was concerned though, she hadn't eaten anything yesterday either and before that e was unsure of. "I understand that you are worried about classes but you need to eat more. Come on." Begrudgingly she obliged and followed them into the Great Hall.


	3. New Ways To Cope

New Ways to Cope- Chapter Three

**New Ways to Cope- Chapter Three**

After forcing herself to eat quickly Hermione made her way to the Library to study. Ron and Harry sat behind however, filling their empty bellies. "How do you think she is?" asked Ron.

"Probably not well considering the morning classes," replied Harry.

"I feel really bad, about her mum and all"

"Yeah I know…I wonder what happened"

"We'll find out when she's ready"

"I suppose"

Settled down in her favorite spot near the back of the library Hermione was intently reading a book when an unwelcome figure approached. "So Mudblood, did you enjoy potions? I rather did, it was a nice welcome back treat to see you fail so miserably."

"You know Malfoy, I think over in the section on your right they have a book that shows you how to hide deformities. Though I'm not sure if they mention solutions for serious cases such as your face," Hermione replied angrily. He had hit a soft spot. "You know what? Maybe if your mum had _really _loved you she wouldn't have drunk herself to death." Hermione looked with very wide eyes to the one person she hated most in the world. Draco Malfoy. She stood up slowly and walked out of the library, shaking.

She couldn't hold back her sobs any longer. She ran into a bathroom down the corridor and cried. Surprisingly enough she still had tears. Hermione next did the only thing she could think of to release the tension in her body. She started to hit the walls surrounding the stall. When that wasn't enough she dug her nails once again in her scalp. Anything to help release the pain she was feeling. She opened her eyes long enough to look around for something sharp. She had read in a book once about a boy that would cut himself all over his body to deal with pain. Hermione was not thinking rationally so this idea sounded like a wonderful thing to try. She didn't see anything so she opened her shoulder bag. Inside of her potions kit there was a scalpel.

Hermione didn't think twice before cutting at her forearm. Nothing happened though so she reasoned she didn't do it hard enough. She went over the cut several times, satisfied when blood flowed. She took out her wand and sterilized the knife again before replacing it in her kit once more.

Hermione figured no one would mention it because students cut the tops of their arms on accident all the time. It was only one time too, so it wasn't like she had cuts all over her arm. She walked over to the sink and washed her arm and then applied pressure on it. She didn't heal the wound with her wand because she thought it might want to look at it. It symbolized this darker part of her life and it was now part of her story. She also wanted to keep it so that she could point out to people that she hurt herself "by accident when she upset Crookshanks". She figured that if she pointed it out and had a story prepared then it wouldn't really give them a chance to come to their own conclusions, especially if she ever did this again.

Hermione walked out the lavatory and nearly ran smack into Ron and Harry. "Oh! Hermione, we were just going to go find you in the library." She smiled at her friends and claimed that she had just needed to use the bathroom. They nodded and made small talk before Hermione left them to go to Ancient Runes.

Harry and Ron groaned in the library when they realized how much they actually had to write for potions. "Why did you have to go and piss Snape off Ron?" Ron looked at his books angrily without responding. He only on his first paragraph and was hating every second of it.

After another half hour Harry broke the ice. "Ron?" Ron looked up from his essay into his best friends eyes. "I need to talk to you, but before I do you have to promise me that you won't angry." "Okay… I promise I won't get angry," Ron replied quite curious. "IwanttoaskGinnytobemygirlfriendagain," Harry mumbled quickly. "Well mate, I didn't have a problem with it last year so why would I now? It's better that it's you rather than Dean again," Ron said with a slight shudder of remembrance. He was now picturing the time when he and Harry caught them snogging in the deserted corridor after quiddich practice nearly a year ago. Harry openly sighed in relief and then continued to work on his essay as if nothing had ever happened. Ron picked up his quill and began to write his fourth paragraph that was nearly exactly what the book said with a few switched sentences and a few word swaps.

He was just wrapping up his essay when a bird-like woman swooped down upon him and Harry. "Yes, hello boys. I can see that you are busily working but I am concerned for Ms. Granger. I know that she is friends with you," She then muttered something about how she couldn't really see why, "but she walked out of here after talking to Mr. Malfoy and she didn't look well." Harry paused for a moment to enter in the information before saying, "Well, we talked to her after she came out of the bathroom around noon or so and she seemed happy enough, Malfoy was probably just bothering her and she didn't want to get into trouble by hexing him." Madame Pince looked thoughtfully and then turned around and left without so much as a simple thank you.

Harry looked at Ron and asked him what he thought Malfoy was up to. "I think as soon as we finish these papers we should go and ask him. Do you know what he has right now?" Harry racked his brain but came up short and told Ron that they would just need to wait until they saw Hermione again. They could talk to her about it.

"Do you think anyone would notice if Snape went mysteriously missing?" Ron asked with a groan. His essay was not turning out to be all that he had hoped and he figured offing Snape was a good solution to get out of doing anymore of them. "Yeah… to bad though… I guess we can only hope he dies soon of something. Like his heart being too small too support himself anymore. That would be amusing…" Harry trailed off and stared with a dreamy expression plastered upon his face.

"Ha ha! I finished. I even think that after Hermione grades it I might scrape a passing grade!" Ron was elated, it was only one and he finished all his potions homework. Now all he had to do was practice a spell for McGonagall's class and study up on its theory for the oral exam the next day. Harry muttered as he finished his last sentence and when he ended his paper with its last period he threw down his inky quill onto the table and sighed. Of course this resulted in a very stern look from Madam Pince considering Harry got ink on one of her prized tables. Harry shuddered to think what she would do had it been a book. He quickly got out his wand and cleaned up the mess before turning to Ron and asking if he wanted to go back the common room to see what was going on.

Hermione was taking intense notes on the lecture so she could study later that night. She was so involved in her work that she didn't notice when a swan-shaped note landed smoothly on her desk. After a few minutes she looked up at the professor to see what was behind him on the chalkboard and she caught the white paper out of the corner of her eye. She carefully opened it and read the note.

_Mudblood,_

_We have to meet tonight to talk about head stuff. Find me in the Library right after dinner. Don't be late because I won't wait for you._

_Draco Malfoy_

Hermione sighed deeply. 'So much for studying' she thought darkly. She was already so completely sick of Malfoys' antics and it was only the second day. She tried to clear her mind and refocus on the lesson.

After dinner Hermione bid Ron and Harry goodbye and explained where she would be. "Do you want us to come with you?" Harry asked earnestly. She shook her head and told them that if he tried anything then she would just hex him into oblivion.

She walked down the fairly empty corridor and thought of what the meeting was about.

She walked into the silent library and immediately saw golden haired boy. "Let's get this over with Malfoy," Hermione said as she approached the back table. He smirked at her before saying, "So Dumbledore wants us to decide when the Hogsmeade weekends will be. After that he wants us to decide the prefects and our patrolling hours." Hermione sighed; she did not want to be here with this jerk. "Let's get to it then. I will work on the patrolling hours you can work on Hogsmeade. When your done tell me and we can finalize it. Does that sound good?" Hermione said this quickly hoping he would agree if he did they wouldn't have to talk very much. "Nothing ever sounds good if it is coming out of your mouth. I vote that I do the hours and you do the weekends, just make sure you don't screw it up." Hermione rolled her eyes and then dug out a piece of parchment and her quill and began to work.

A good half hour had passed and Hermione was nearly finished. She had papers strewn across the table, such as quiddich schedules and exam dates. She needed to make sure that nothing clashed. A cough interrupted her work. Hermione's faced contorted and suddenly she looked very annoyed. She looked up at the boy who disrupted her and snapped, "What?"

"Aren't you finished? I was done forever ago!"

"If you would leave me alone I would finish faster." She returned to her work and after a few moments set her quill down. She was done.

"Let's compare dates," Hermione stated simply. They showed each other their papers. Malfoy looked at her dates and scoffed. "What?" Hermione asked testily.

"We need to schedule one on October third."

"Why?"

Malfoy looked offended and he spoke with an irritable voice, "It's my birthday, must you be so ignorant?"

Hermiones' eyebrows shot up so that they were hidden beneath her brown bangs. "Did you seriously expect me to know that?" She looked down at her reference materials and then smirked and stated, "No can do Malfoy, there is a meeting that you and I have to go to with Dumbledore."

Malfoy cursed under his breath and then sat back in his chair. Hermione rolled her eyes. She looked back down at the documents before her. She stared at her patrolling hours. They only had to patrol on Thursdays and Saturdays and they had the twelve thirty to one a.m. shift. She could handle that.

Malfoy was still sitting back in his chair but instead of throwing a tantrum over the Hogsmeade dates he was watching her.

"So wonder how I know about your mum?"

Hermione froze. He had to bring that up again. "Why don't you enlighten me," She replied watching her tone, she didn't want to sound as if it really affected her. "Well I overheard you and the rest of your filthy friends talking earlier so I had Pansy find out. She summoned all of the muggle papers from your town over the summer and found your mums' obituary and that told me everything. It was really rather easy, especially since I didn't have to do anything except pretend that I honestly liked Pansy for about five seconds."

Hermione stared at the table. She didn't want to look at Malfoy.

"So yeah, impressed? I thought it was rather ingenious."

"Do you know what I would find really impressive of you Malfoy? I think it would be really amazing if you could go charm a hole in the ground and sit in it until you died, that would be really super," She started to gather up her stuff.

Malfoy leaned back in his chair, sighed, then simply said, "So do Potty and Weasel know? I bet they don't. It would be so like you to not tell anyone at all and just pretend nothing happened. You aren't that strong though, it will never last."

Hermione finished packing up, took one look at Malfoy, and left the room. She hated him with every fiber of her being. She could be strong enough if she wanted to. She was walking with her head down and started to turn a corner when she bumped into someone. "Ms. Granger, ten points from Gryffindor for not watching your step." 'Lovely, Professor Snape' Hermione thought bitterly before looking up into his ugly pale face. "Excuse me Professor," She stepped passed him and continued on her way. "Honey, I want you to know that it was all your fault. If you hadn't be so completely selfish then I wouldn't have drank." Hermiones' head shot up so fast she was surprised she hadn't gotten whiplash. She heard her mother's voice but she didn't see her mother. Hermione hit her head a few times to make sure the voice was gone. 'What did it mean' Hermione panicked. It wasn't possible for her to hear a dead person, but she was. She couldn't handle this. She ran into an old broom closet on the other side of the corridor. She ripped up her sleeve and once again pulled out her potion's scalpel. She sterilized it and then made two clean cuts into her wrist, they weren't deep but they bled well. She muttered a spell onto the wounds and cleaned them. She then used the underside of her vest to apply pressure to it to get them to stop bleeding.

After a few minutes they ceased to flow so Hermione left the closet and walked quickly back to the Gryffindor tower, with her head up.


	4. I'm AddicI'm Addicted to You

Chapter Four- I'm Adic-I'm Addicted to You

**Chapter Four- I'm Adic-I'm Addicted to You**

Ron and Harry sat in front of the Gryffindor fireplace in complete silence. They didn't even look at each other. They were wrapped up in their thoughts. Those particular thoughts were interrupted however, when Hermione Granger walked through the door looking oddly relaxed (considering who she had just finished talking to).

"How'd it go?" Ron asked genuinely interested.

"On a scale of one to ten, it was rubbish," She didn't really look as if she cared though. "I will just have to deal with it though. I think I'm going to go study for a while and then go to bed. Goodnight," She called to them as she escaped into the girls' dormitory to her bedroom. The two boys looked at each other, upon their faces sat odd expressions of confusion.

Back in her bedroom Hermione sat at her desk, absorbing information for her classes. After she had about all she could take of memorization she got out her quill and a scroll of parchment and started on her potions essay. The essay wasn't due right away but Hermione felt that she needed to get it done before she fell further behind and completing it now, even if that meant losing a few hours of sleep, would help her regain a little bit of the Hermione she once knew. Right now a little reconciliation with her old self was what she wanted most. She was tired of hurting; she knew the pain wasn't over but that it would lessen, especially with her new found method of coping.

After a grueling three extra hours of work Hermione was satisfied that her essay would get her now less than a bright and shining 'E'. She was relieved to have it done and to reward herself she climbed into her toasty bed for some much needed rest. Or not. Hermione was just starting to go to sleep when she heard a soft knock on her door. She groaned before climbing out of her inviting bed and opening the door that betrayed her "beauty sleep". It was Ginny. She was standing in the doorway with her closed fist in the air preparing to knock again.

Hermione smiled and let the girl in, she looked uneasy. "Hermione, I know this might sound weird but I had a nightmare that Harry died and I was wondering if I could sleep in your bed with you… I understand if you say no but I just didn't want to stay in that room all alone, even though I wasn't _really_ alone. You know. I just wanted to be around someone I was more comfortable with," Ginny was whispering this monologue so that she didn't wake up anyone else. Hermione nodded and turned away from the ginger girl and climbed back into bed. Ginny followed suit and marched across the hard floors to the inviting bed. She climbed across Hermione and snuggled into the warm covers and closed her eyes. She convinced herself that she was safe in this room and then fell asleep almost immediately. Hermione however, stayed awake and contemplated.

She felt like she could get her life back on track. She knew she could. No one would stop her. No one. She began to formulate her plan of attack. She would be studying whenever she wasn't doing homework or sleeping. She would make small allowances of time everyday to be around Ron and Harry and to eat. Tomorrow she had Charms first so when she woke up she would frantically begin to catch up.

Hermione stared at the high ceiling above her head. In the middle of her plans something triggered and then memories forcefully surfaced above her thoughts on how to put her life back in order. Moments started to flash before her chestnut eyes.

She was studying with her mum who was quizzing her with flashcards in their kitchen. Hermione was sitting on the counter eating a cookie that her mom had made.

She was lying on the floor of her living room in a tent made of spare bed sheets. Her mum and her were watching _Legally Blonde_ together all snuggled up in the blankets. The part where the homosexual fashionita was tapping his foot behind Reese Witherspoon was on and they were giggling together.

Hermione was in a shop at the mall where she and her mum were picking out ridiculous outfits for the other that had to be tried on. In Hermiones' hands was a slinky red dress and silver heels she knew her mother would never otherwise try-on. Her mother was holding a moo-moo and red ladybug rain boots. Hermione laughed out loud when she saw the horrific item of clothing she was going to try on.

They were at a pet store and Hermione was seven. She was crying into her mums' shoulder after watching a snake eat a defenseless white mouse.

They were in her mums' room and Hermione was in her bed watching her mom put on her make-up. The room was dim and Hermione was sleepy. She was four and she fell asleep. She woke up with her mum cuddling her and whispering a prayer into her ear. '_Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul will keep. And if I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul will take.'_

Hermione was standing in her hallway peeking around the corner into her living room. Her mum was curled up on the couch watching _Buffy: the Vampire Slayer_ and her cat Gizmo, who was very cold to anyone who wasn't her mum, was curled up on her moms' lap sleeping.

They were in Hermiones' dance class and Hermione had knocked the wind out of herself when doing a front-flip onto a crash mat. She was six and was scared that she wasn't going to be able to breathe again. Her mum was next to her reassuring her that her breath would come back in a few seconds. Later that night Hermione got to take a bubble bath and have ice cream for being a good sport.

Hermione was standing in her living room. She was ten and her friend Donna was standing next to her. She looked upon the couch at a women "sleeping". She called out to her and when she didn't wake up she began to laugh and play with her arms, picking them up and dropping them, still trying to wake her. It was her mum and she had always been a heavy sleeper. Hermione could see she was breathing so she didn't worry but she did call her dad to tell him about it. He rushed home and gave her money to go buy candy at the store close by. Later, right after finding out about her mum's drinking problem she found out that she had been passed out. Her dad had given her the money to get her and her friend out of the house while he carried her into their bedroom so she could be passed out out of sight.

They were standing in a hospital room. Alone. Hermione was standing over the hospital bed where her mum resided. She was in the intensive care unit and she was in a coma. She had been there for a week. Earlier there had been an ugly tube of black charcoal running up her nostril. Her organs were shutting down and her dad was going to shut off the life support. If she came out of the coma now she would only live the rest of her life as a vegetable. Hermione had come to the room to say her goodbyes. This was hard for her and she choked back tears as she pet her moms' curly hair. She whispered goodbye and that she would love her until the day she died. She collected herself and then joined the rest of her family in the waiting room.

Hermione shook herself back to reality and felt the hot tears streaming down her face. She got out of bed and paced her room. She then walked over to her wardrobe and pulled down a large framed muggle photograph of her mum. Hermione carried it over to the darkest empty corner of her room. She crawled into the fetal position and hugged the frame while she openly sobbed. She made sure to stay quiet though for Ginny's sake.

She missed her mom. She figured that anyone who lost someone close to them would miss them but it didn't occur to her how _much_. She was broken and she didn't know what to do to fix it. She did however know what could help. She crawled across the floor to her bag and pulled out the trusty knife from her potions kit. She knew she would feel strange hurting herself with Ginny in the same room so she got up onto her feet and slinked out the door silently.

She quietly made her way into the common room and walked over to a corner behind a chair next to the window. She figured she would see someone walk into the room before they could see her. She pulled up the hem of her night gown and stared at her milky white stomach. She looked once at the scalpel in her tightly clenched hand and hesitated. But then she carefully carved a small cut into her flesh. She then continued to cut two more forming a zigzagged line. She watched the blood squeeze out of the parted flesh. She immediately felt relief in her chest. She then proceeded to cut another and the then three more to match it. These formed a box. She couldn't stop now; she only needed a few more to really get what she wanted. Her heart felt much lighter by now. She cut three more to finish what she had started. She felt alive. It was as if the pain she had been feeling was taken out and then imprinted itself on the flesh of her stomach.

MOM. That's what it spelled. Hermione would heal and have those as scars for a long time. She crawled out of her corner and let the loose garment on her body fall to the floor. If she was careful it wouldn't touch the blood now dripping down her stomach and soaking into her underwear.

She tiptoed, knife in hand, to the bathroom in the girl's dormitory. Luckily no one had a midnight urge to use the loo. She walked over to the sink and turned on the hot water. She grabbed a deep red washcloth from the clean basket and rinsed it underneath the steaming water. She then lifted her cotton gown and looked at the damage. There was a lot of blood but not enough to alarm her. She had complete control. The top of her underwear was now wet with blood from the gashes but Hermione would clean them later with her wand. For now she pressed the rag to her skin and cleaned the blood surrounding the wounds. She then adjusted the cloth to a clean spot and pressed it firmly to the cuts and applied pressure. She rested her back against the wall and sighed. She was finally tired. She could sleep now that she had gotten that out of her system.

Twenty minutes later Hermione crawled back into her bed and snuggled into her fresh pillow.

A:N/ Sorry these are such short chapters. It isn't like me. I just have been busy but I want to update once a week so yeah, that is my excuse however crappy it may be. Please review so I know that you like me! I need that boost of ego to help continue to inflate my head. Thanks a bunch

Love, Katie "The Great" (Jokes!)


	5. The Sun Finally Shines a Little on HG

Chapter Five- The Sun Finally Shines a Little on Hermione Granger

**Chapter Five- The Sun Finally Shines a Little on Hermione Granger**

**(A:N/ **I am going to be gone for a week to go on a camping trip so I am going to be a little off on my chapters. I apologize! Please review. The more you review the more inspiration I get. Who knows? If I don't have inspiration I might not ever finish. Gasp Shock Horror I love all the fans who have favorited my story. You make me happy and as soon as I can get back to my email I will name you personally! Love you- Katie "The Great" () Yes I realize I just introduced blackmail….I apologize. Kind of.

The next morning at breakfast Ronald Weasley sipped his cranberry juice and watched a girl sitting ahead oh him frantically commit everything she read to memory. He sighed and looked at Harry. The two boys gave each other a little smile that said that they were happy to see her recovering so well, she was re-becoming Hermione Granger. Ron was happy. He hated seeing her upset in any way at all. He felt so helpless watching her like that. He never knew the right things to do or say and probably just upset her even more with his feeble attempts. Man, he sure was an incompetent person.

While Ron was wallowing temporarily in self pity Harry was looking over at Hermione. Underneath the brim of her sleeve where it had come up looked like a scab. He stared for a few more seconds trying to decide whether or not it was even worth mentioning. He decided against it though waving it off as a scratch from Crookshanks. Probably over something like Hermione not petting her while she was trying to study. That cat was vicious and expected everyone to do what she wanted on _her _time. Harry picked up the banana off his plate and unpeeled it, bored, imagining himself at the world cup. He was flying around on his broom at hyper-speeds. There were bludgers flying around him and the opposing sneaker was gaining speed on him. All of the sudden the snitch took a nosedive, which Harry followed. He was on its' tail and was about to close his rough hand around the smooth metal ball when someone called his name and brought him from his daydream. Harry looked up annoyed. In his fantasy the stands were screaming his name, he was about to win and his team would have been ecstatic.

Hermione and Ron were looking at him like there was something wrong with him. Harry looked back slightly offended that no one could even daydream anymore. "Harry…" Ron said wondering why the boy wasn't speaking.

"What?"

"What were you doing? We looked over and your jaw was nearly on the floor and your eyes went glassy."

Harry turned pink, "I was just thinking. What did you want?"

Hermione piped in, "We are going to walk over to charms. We figured you would want to come to avoid looking like a git sitting here by yourself."

Harry rolled his eyes and gathered his things. The trio walked off together in silence to their morning of lessons.

Hermione picked up her quill and dipped it into the deep red ink. She pressed the tip onto a piece of fresh parchment. She used hurried fluid movements to scrawl out notes. All very readable though. That was just the way she was.

She was picking up every important part of Flitwicks' lesson when a knock sounded upon the door.

She looked up along with the rest of her class to see who was interrupting. Flitwick rushed over to the door as fast as his squat little legs would go. He shouted for the person to come in and finally arrived at the doorway as it was opening. There stood Hagrid. He was whispering to Flitwick about needing his help, that the situation was urgent. Hermione was close enough to the door that she heard parts of the conversation. Something was said about a creature sitting on Hagrids' roof. Hermione leaned in towards the door and heard the words "ripping", "roof", "throwing", and "head". Hermione passed it off as another Hagrid incident and sat her head on her desk.

Flitwick called to the class that he would return in a few minutes, that there was a situation that needed his attention. He asked them to remain relatively quiet as he addressed the issue.

Hermione laid her head down on the wooden desk in front of her. She was _exhausted_. That morning she woke up to Ginnys' stirs. She then shook Ginny awake and after Ginny left she started to slowly get herself ready for the day. As she peeled off her nightgown she looked at her stomach. It was swollen and red. The cuts looked angrily back at her. She had sighed and put on her clothing deciding to ignore the M-O-M for now.

Harry and Ron walked over to Hermiones' desk and stared at her. She noticed their presence but still chose to keep her head down since it felt heavy and frankly she was too tired to move it. Harry pondered for a moment before raising his hand and waving at Hermione with a very small wave. Then he asked, "Know what this is?"

Hermione scooted her head up and looked at the ebony-haired boy. "What?"

Harry smiled and retorted, "It's a micro-wave. Get it?" He giggled in a very little-boyish way and Hermione was forced to smile at his pathetic attempt for her attention.

Ron sat with a blank expression on his face for a few moments and then looked at his friends with a confused expression on his face. "I don't get it" Harry looked at him and sighed. He started to explain to Ronald what the joke meant, which took a little while considering Ron was a pure-blooded wizard who didn't ever know what a microwave was much less that it existed.

In the midst of it all Hermione stared off into space and tuned out her friends. She was now debating whether she should get out her charms book and resume studying or if she should get out her transfiguration book and start studying.

She decided on transfiguration since she had already studied the section they were working on in charms and she had double transfiguration after lunch.

She sighed as she lifted up her body off of the desk and leaned down into her bag for her book. After lugging it onto the desk Hermione started to memorize. If she could get the theory down then she would practice the incantations later to ensure the mastery of the subjects. McGonagall would be proud of her dedication soon enough.

Ron eventually grasped the concept of the "microwave" and started to openly stare at Hermione. He was looking at the contours of her face. It was beautiful. Looking at her eyes made him want to swim in them for the rest of his life. They were intense, as if they could see through everything. They showed that she had seen a lot. She had too with all of the adventures that they went on. She held pain in her eyes. It was obvious where that came from. But they also held a light that Ron knew was her hope for a better tomorrow. He then looked at her perfect nose. It pointed up but only a little. It was a perky, rather cute nose. He stared at her mouth yet and imagined what it would be like to kiss her. He guessed that she would be good kisser but wouldn't know it. She would be purposeful yet shy. It would be perfect. Ronald was so fixated at staring at her and daydreaming that he almost didn't notice that she was looking at him.

He shook his head, "What?"

Hermione smiled. "Do I have something on my face?"

Her hands started to cover up her mouth as she smoothed at her teeth with her pink tongue.

Ron laughed and said that he just was looking at the small, almost invisible, scar on her forehead. He noticed it at the end of last year but just never mentioned it. Now it was the perfect cover.

"Oh, it's from the Whomping Willow."

Ron nodded slowly and turned away to stare at a blank wall. Harry leaned over to her and whispered, "Were you _really_ staring at that scar?"

Ron sighed and shook his head. Harry knew that he had been lying. He also knew that he didn't have to talk about it if he didn't feel up to it and right now he didn't feel up to it.

Ron and Harry sat down on the edge of Hermiones' desk since she moved the book into her lap for a more comfortable position. They looked down to see what she was studying. After they realized it was transfiguration they became very bored very quickly and looked away.

A few minutes later squat, little Professor Flitwick came back into the classroom. Quickly and obediently Hermione sat her book down and resumed her note-taking position. The rest of the class members groaned and scurried back to their desks. No one was really excited to start class again, as expected.

Professor Flitwick was now sporting a dark gash on his cheek and Hermione gasped. She raised her hand and waited patiently for him to call on her.

"Professor, would you like me to fetch Madame Pomfrey?" Flitwick shook his head and explained that one class was let out he would heal himself. That it was an easy procedure. Hermione sighed and looked in concern at her professor. She would have to get the details from Hagrid later.

The lecture continued and all the students had to demonstrate their ability to do the _veilavisable_ charm which allowed them to turn medium-sized objects, such as a small dog or a small chair, invisible. Most of the students were able to complete it without much difficulty. Ron struggled his first time but then successfully showed his competence the second time.

By the end of class Hermione had answered all of the questions directed at her but one and even volunteered a few answers to open questions. This class period was turning out much better then the one the day before.

Once the trio left the classroom they agreed to walk down to Hagrids' hut. He would be expecting a visit by now anyways.

**A:N/ Sorry this is SO short! I have been really busy with the camping trip. (I was a leader and watching a lot of small children) I am very tired which I am using a an excuse for the lengh of this chapters. If it helps to redeem me a little I **_**do**_** have plans for Hermione coming up. I just need inspiration to get there. Sigh See you later!**

**Thank you:**


	6. Whose Afraid of Virginia Wolfe?

Chapter Six- Who's Afraid of Virginia Wolfe

**Chapter Six- Who's Afraid of Virginia Wolfe?**

**Disclaimer:** Okay, real fast, I don't own Virginia Wolfe but that is cool because this chapter has nothing really to do with her except that she was a poet and this chapter is going to have poems, which I do own, in it.

Hermione bravely took a sip of the pumpkin juice before her that Hagrid supplied. She noted that across the table Ron was bravely taking a bite of a "brownie". She rolled her eyes when she saw that his jaws were clamped closed. He should've known. He had been attempting to eat Hagrids' food for a long time.

The disruption in charms it turned out was a large Spindlewick (Large dragon-like creature with a nasty temper). It had perched itself on Hagrids' roof and was pulling out shingles and throwing them at Hagrid. This explained the pretty gash in his forehead. The Spindlewick seemed to find it amusing to throw the shingles at his face.

Hermione cooed and asked if he was okay. Harry thought it was entertaining to watch her being so maternal. He showed this by giggling in a very small child-like fashion. Hermione whipped her head back and glared at him. Harry obediently shut his mouth and stuck his tongue out to Ron who was smirking at him.

Hermione confidently took out her wand and healed Hagrids' wound after he refused several times to go see Madame Pomfrey. She then tried to tell him to eat chocolate. He talked back to her, incredibility coating his words. He was surprised that she was talking to him like he was a small child. Harry then interrupted the half conversation half argument and began talking about the upcoming Quiddich season.

Hermione became instantly bored and pulled out a piece of parchment and a quill. She was feeling artsy and decided to write a poem.

_I think I do it to feel the rush_

_She wrote in a little black book_

_I love how it scabs after it bleeds_

_It makes me want to look_

Hermione looked up and around the room to make sure that everyone was preoccupied on something else besides her. They were. Ron was leading a very animated discussion on the Chudley Cannons and how the Gryffindor team was similar. Harry was very red with excitement and was also talking quickly. Hagrid sat back and threw in comments when he felt that they were needed. Hermione returned to writing, shocked at how it was just coming out, especially considering she hadn't really done more than an occasion couplet before.

_I think I do it to drown out the screams_

_Of angry parents just before_

_It takes away their hurtful words_

_And tightly locks the door_

_I think I do it to remember the past_

_All the hurt thrown in my face_

_Maybe it will heal the wounds_

_And show me a safer place_

_I think I do it because the voices scream _

_Out loud inside my head_

_They tell me it will help me live_

_But I think they want me dead_

Hermione felt a nudge on her shoulder and panicked. She shoved the paper into her bag. Her quill fell onto the ground and Ron, who had nudged her, quickly apologized and bent down to grab the fallen quill.

"What do you want?" Hermione snapped at Ron. He looked taken aback and continued to apologize ferociously. "I was just trying to get your attention. We were going to go back to the castle." Ron was very red. Hermione immediately felt horrible and apologized quietly. Ron sat down next to her and patted her on the shoulder. "So, what were you writing?" He was trying to change the subject so that he wouldn't upset her.

Hermione told him that it was nothing and stood up to leave. The two boys took her cue and walked out the door waving goodbye to Hagrid.

Later that night Hermione Granger sat on her bed with the poem in front of her. She had been itching to finish it since she left Hagrids' hut. This was her time. She took out the quill she had been using earlier and reread what she had already written. She then pressed the quill to the paper and let her thoughts flow.

_I feel the pain in my life_

_And I want it to go away_

_Cutting helps me to forget it all_

_Gives me wings to fly away_

Hermione was new to the self-injury concept but this is how she already felt. Well, not all of it. Some of it was artistic license. Her parents never fought, at least not if she was around, and she never experienced voices, but the rest was her. She felt a little better. Like she was able to explain it better to herself, it made a little bit more sense now.

She went to the top of the paper and wrote a title. _Justifying the Ugly_. She felt this was appropriate considering she knew how most people viewed self-mutilation

Hermione yawned but forced herself to stay awake. She wanted to do it again. It was an aching in her fingertips. She wasn't necessarily even in _bad_ mood. But she did feel the need. She decided to use something other than her potions scalpel though. She pulled out her wand and used it to summon a piece of trash from her trashcan. She then transfigured it into a rather ragged shard of glass. She took the glass and pressed to her thumb. She pushed it hard against her skin and slid it downward. She watched as the skin separated and fresh bright red blood poured out of the opening.

_A Glorified Suicide_

_Whisky? Rum? A simple beer?_

_A bartender asked one lonely night_

"_Anything hard, that will put me straight to sleep,_

_That will end this long cold fight"_

_He smiles sweetly and shakes his head_

_As he pours this deadly drink_

_She is getting what she wants_

_This is one battle she defeats_

_Whisky? Rum? A simple beer?_

_A bartender asks one spicy night_

"_Anything that will make life fun_

_That will get the job done right"_

_He smiles sweetly and shakes his head_

_As he pours that deadly drink_

_The customer gets what he wants_

_He lives his life on the brink_

_Whisky? Rum? A simple beer?_

_A bartender asks one quiet night_

"_Anything to wipe away my pain_

_I just got out of a fight"_

_He smiles sweetly and shakes his head_

_As he pours that deadly drink_

_She gets exactly what she wants_

_And drinks it without a blink_

_Whisky? Rum? A simple beer?_

_A bartender asked her that horrific night_

_I guess he could never know_

_That nothing at all went right_

_He smiled sweetly and shook his head_

_Ad he poured that final drink_

_I guess she had too many_

_And was too drunk to stop and think_

_Whisky? Rum? A simple beer?_

_The drug that killed my alcoholic mom_

_It took her life in its' evil hands_

_And exploded it like a bomb_

_I smile sweetly and shake my head_

_When I think of her sad story_

_Here is to your fun time and party_

_This is alcohol in all its' glory_

_-Hermione Granger_

"I can't stand it Harry! I like her so much it hurts!" Ron was ranting and he knew it. He was pacing the Gryffindor common room and it was about two in the morning. Everyone else was smart and went to bed but Ronald Weasley was troubled. When he was troubled he couldn't sleep. Harry was being the best friend that he was and was also awake and attempting to calm down his buddy.

"Maybe if you just told her…" Harry suggested feebly hoping Ron would react differently than he normally would.

No such luck.

"I can't Harry, you don't get it! I'm not her man in shining armor!" Harry refrained himself from correcting the saying that his friend butchered and listened to Ron as he continued.

"I am a nobody, better yet, a _poor_ nobody," Ron was whispering yet yelling all at once. (A: N The kind of whisper you see angry mothers using on their kids in the supermarket when all they really want to do is scream at them but they don't want to cause a scene. )

"I have nothing to offer her. I thought this through; there is no way that Hermione could possibly love someone like me. I can't handle it. Who am I? No one. I have a place as keeper on the Quiddich team, so did half of the rest of my family. I am a prefect, so are twenty other kids. I wasn't even good enough to be head boy. Percy was head boy. Gah! I am so incompetent. She is _perfect_ Harry, how do measure up? I don't." Ron pouted and Harry got angry.

"Are you quite finished?" Ron looked up at his friend in disbelief. "Excuse me?"

"You heard me. You have everything in the world to offer. We know everything about her. You know everything about her. No one can compete with that. If I know Hermione correctly she will want someone she can be relaxed around and you certainly have that quality. Also, you need to stop letting the lives of your family rule who you are going to be. They aren't you; their choices aren't your choices. You have everything in the world to offer her. Now, if you will excuse me, since this is finished, I am going to sleep." Ron sighed and followed him into the boys' dormitory.

Hermione walked down to breakfast the next morning with Harry and Ron. Once she entered the Great Hall she looked up and realized that the morning mail call had arrived. She sat down at the table and accepted her usual _Daily Prophet_ and paid the owl. As she began to read about the rising number of squibs found in Wales another owl landed on her French toast. She looked at it, surprise flooding her face, and untied the letter from its' protruding leg.

_Dearest Hermione Granger,_

_ Good morning! I am just sending this to inform you that I want you and Mr. Malfoy to come to my office this evening at six to discuss this years plan and to give you further assignments. _

_Enjoy your classes,_

_ Albus Dumbledore_

_P.S. Licorice wand_

Hermione groaned quietly and looked up at the headmaster who was eyeing her from the Head's table. She nodded at him before letting Ron and Hermione read the letter. They told her that they pitied her and then asked her how far she had gotten with the homework.

Later in a History of Magic Hermione got out another slab of parchment and a quill. She decided to write another poem. The lecture in class she already had memorized upside down and sideways so she decided to let herself be sidetracked. This one was going to be about a little girl with cancer.

_Toy box Faith_

_There a young girl lay_

_A broken result of dried up tears_

_Cancer has consumed her life_

_But God has soothed her many fears_

"_Let's trade our lives," he leaned in to say_

"_Let me endure all your pain_

_I'll battle the world to save you, love_

_This can be our final game"_

_The Doctor leaned in the door to say_

"_Times up, now's goodbye"_

_The father looks back in anguish_

_Asking God merely why_

"_When will I ever see you again?_

_How will I ever cope?_

_Where will you go once you die?_

_I'm afraid I'm losing hope_

_The girl opened her mouth_

_Know this would be the last time_

_She'd ever talk to her daddy_

_So she needed to tell him why_

"_I love you and I know it's hard_

_But here's your ultimate test_

_Have faith I'm going to a better place_

_God only takes the best."_

_-Hermione Granger_

This was a poem more about hope and what Hermione hoped happened to her mother. That she went to a better place. The girl read over it a last time and then packed up her stuff once the bell rang.

**A: N/ Yay! This one is longer, go me! ****Of course that could be because of all the extra poem stuff. But shh! (I wrote in small font to indicate quiet secretive-ness****)**** So yes, thank you to all of you who like my story and I appreciate the reviews and the favorited stuff. Story alerts rock too. So yeah this is a few of my poems from a little duck-taped book sitting on my bed. It was falling apart but I loved it too much to let it go. Any-who. I wrote all of this the day after I posted chapter five (not the poems, those were written over time). Oh and real fast, Sunday night I had my first mom dream in four years. She died five years ago and I dreamed that she came back and I talked about her book that she was writing. She always wanted to be an author but it never happened. ********. The weird/ cool part was Monday was the five year anniversary of her death. It was like my mind did that as a tribute. It was kind of nice. I got inspired y it and here it is. Here is poem just for you for fun:**

**Lunch**

**Fangs glow in the dark**

**Of this smoky atmosphere**

**They hunt the weary and the weak**

**The "huns", the "babes", and "dears"**

**Finally they settle on one**

**The girl with the shirt too low**

**She is sleazy, she is easy,**

**Desperate to give a show**

**They make their way to the bar**

**As she buys another drink**

**Her skirt hangs low on her hips**

**The fangs don't even stop to think**

**They say she looks familiar**

**And have we ever met before**

**They con her into leaving**

**And guide her through the door**

**They lead her in a hotel room**

**By the their hand upon her hips**

**They cop a feel on her behind**

**And then lean in for her lips**

**She kisses back too eager**

**The fangs can't resist**

**What started out so articulate**

**Is now much more than this**

**He pulls away and rages**

**His eyes are on the prize**

**The girl who gave it too easy**

**Was going to lose her life**

**As the fangs move in closer**

**Anticipating a meal**

**The daydream is ended**

**A boy gives his neck a feel**

**He looks up at his friends**

**Dark has turned into day**

**He picks up an apple**

**Bites and walks away**

**-Katie London -June 17, 2008**

**Oh and check out my other story, it's called **_**Miss me, Miss me, Now You Have to...**_** it is a oneshot cute fluffy one, made much more light-hearted then this one. I think you will like it. It is a very, very quick little story. **


	7. Bedtime Story

Chapter Seven- Bedtime Story

**Chapter Seven- Bedtime Story**

Hermione Granger walked down the corridor to the entry way to Professor Dumbledores' office. She stated the words "licorice wand" to the stone figure blocking the stairs. It moved immediately and Hermione walked slowly to her doom. It wasn't dismal to see Dumbledore but more so Malfoy. Luckily he wouldn't say nasty things to her in front of the headmaster.

She walked into the office; it was six on the dot. The headmaster was sitting at his desk with his hands crossed.

"Welcome Ms. Granger. You have been well I hope? I heard about your mother and would like to offer you my condolences. Losing someone close to you can be very hard and I am sorry that you had to go through this ordeal at such a young age…" Dumbledore continued but Hermione ignored him, only nodded when it was appropriate.

Hermione sat down in a chair across from the desk and faked interest. She did _not_ want to talk about this. Couldn't she just forget for five minutes? Nope of course not, Hermione wanted to roll her eyes but didn't for she respected the man before her far too much. Draco Malfoy walked in near the end of Dumbledores' monologue. He took a seat next to Hermione and waited for the headmaster to finish. He listened however; he could use some of the information as ammo later.

Dumbledore wrapped it up and then began to discuss the real point for the meeting. Hermione and Malfoy presented their plans and Dumbledore approved them. Then he told them that they were going to have to get together and plan career meetings for all of the fifth and sixth year students. Hermione nodded and then they were dismissed. The two enemies walked out of the room and down the stairs.

Hermione began to walk away to the direction of the Gryffindor tower when Malfoys' voice stopped her.

"So now you need counseling from a loony old man?"

Hermione tried to ignore him and continue walking but Malfoy was having nothing to do with that. He called out again, "If my mum croaked it I would off myself. Have you considered that Mudblood? I hope that you will so that no one will have to worry about you contaminating them."

Hermione slowly pivoted. She walked over to Malfoy using every bit of self control she had not to kill him. She whispered, rage apparent, "If you _ever _get tortured and have the _nerve_ to wonder why, _don't!_" Hermione stormed off, angry tears pushing themselves forward. Malfoy stood behind in the hallway sniggering quietly. He needed to have the last word in so he yelled out to her, "Do you kiss your _mother_ with that mouth?"

She would have turned around and slaughtered him but tears were flowing freely and she was _not_ going to let him see her cry. She couldn't believe she let him push her buttons like that. She should just learn to ignore him like the rest of the world but he had gone _way_ too far.

Hermione needed to sit down. She needed to get control of herself. She turned a sharp corner and found herself in an empty corridor. She let herself fall into a heap on the floor and she tried to regain her thoughts. It was hopeless, she couldn't. His words had truly gotten to her and now she was completely absorbed in them.

She laid there for what felt like hours, sobbing the entire time. Unexpectedly she felt a hand slide across her face. Someone was wiping away her tears. She opened her eyes and looked up. It was Ron, Harry squatting down next to him watching sadly. Harry reached out his hand and placed hers inside of it. Ron helped Harry pull Hermione to her feet. She started to go limp and began to fall back to the floor. She had no energy left to stand. She was exhausted. Ron caught her effortlessly and picked her up in his arms. Hermione wrapped her hands around his neck and continued her crying. Painful memories had captured her thoughts after Malfoys' harsh words had taken their effect.

Ron walked down the corridor at a good pace, Harry following. Harry got close and whispered to Hermione that they were there and that they would make sure she got better.

Once they got back to the Gryffindor common room Ron laid Hermione down on the couch. Before they had got there she had stopped crying and tried to convince Ron to set her down. He refused on the grounds of not wanting her to fall again. She sighed and put up with it. She was secretly pleased with the fact that he cared so much though.

Harry and Ron sat in comfy armchairs and looked at their other best friend. She looked back at them and apologized.

"Don't be sorry, you are going through a rough time," protested Harry.

"Harry you are being ridiculous, I completely ruined your night and I have been being a downer all of the time. I have plenty to be sorry for."

"Harry rolled his eye angrily. Ron spoke up, "Hermione, this is what _friends_ are for. You are sad and it is perfectly acceptable for you to show it."

Harry nodded and Hermione sat in silence absorbing it all. Then she asked, "Why did you guys even go down that corridor?"

Harry explained that they had been at the first Quiddich practice of the season and Hermione looked and realized that she hadn't even known. "Oh" was all that she could say. The boys sat back in their chairs and asked her if she wanted to go to bed. Hermione shook her head.

"I need to tell you guys what happened. It isn't fair that you guys tell me important parts of your lives and I don't tell mine. I am sorry for leaving you in the dark."

Ron told her that she didn't need to be sorry since she wasn't ready and it was easily understood.

Hermione sighed loudly and launched into the story:

**Monday June 23****rd**

Hermione Granger was sitting on the bed in her mum and dad's room watching television with her father. They were laughing and having fun just like any other night. The telephone on the nightstand by Hermione rang and she picked it up carelessly and clicked the on button. "Hello?" An authoritative voice answered, "Hello, may I speak to Robert Granger? This is the London police department." Hermione handed the phone to her father curiously. "Dad it is the police." He took the phone and began to talk. Hermione couldn't make out any of the one-sided conversation her father was saying. She heard the phrases, "What happened?" and, "Where?" He hung up the phone and nearly ran out of the room. Hermione followed.

Her father headed for the front room of their house where the computer was located and started to get directions to somewhere. "Dad, what's going on?" He told her that her mum was in the hospital and that he would explain everything later and that he was going to go. Hermione walked him to the front door and watched him walk out to their red truck.

Hermione watched the car pull out of the driveway and tried not to panic. She knew nothing. Her mom could be dead, she could've been attacked, or she could have collapsed. Hermione didn't know and she hated it. Next she ran to the bathroom and cried. She cried for a long time (**A: N/ when this happened to me this was about the time my brother comforted me for virtually the **_**only**_** time in my life. He told me through the door that it was okay to cry since mom was in the hospital (He didn't know why either even though he was closer to her and four years older than me))**

Around two in the morning her dads' friend, Marcus came by to check on her. Next her grandmother came to collect her. She told her that she didn't know what was going on only that Hermione was going to stay the night at her house and that they would go to the hospital the next morning. Hermione had calmed down by then deciding that it probably wasn't as bad as she was thinking, if it was than her dad would have called. Her grandmother strengthened this reassurance the next day before they left that it was probably something that wasn't very bad, like food poisoning.

They set out for the hospital that morning around ten and Hermione was even laughing a little at her grandmothers jokes. She was in a good mood. They arrived at the hospital a few hours later after getting quite lost. Her dad met her in the parking lot and pulled her over to a grassy area and sat her down. Her grandmother walked into the hospital without her.

"Hermione, we need to talk." His voice was solemn and Hermione knew immediately that it was serious. "Your mum is very sick. She went a bar last night with a friend named Francesca and drank. A lot. She passed out and her friend called an ambulance. They picked her up and brought her here. It turns out she had fallen into a coma and then stopped breathing. She is now connected on life support and in the Intensive Care Unit." This was too much for Hermione to take. Her father had spoken all of this slowly, almost as if she was a child. Hermione was shocked and her father took her silence as an opportunity to continue his story. "She was an alcoholic Hermione. She didn't drink very often but when she did she drank hard alcohol and a lot of it." Hermione stopped him and said, "Why didn't you tell me?" He replied quickly remorse coating his words, "She told me not to tell anyone and got very angry when I did. Your grandmother and your uncle know because of me. She didn't anyone thinking that she had a problem. I didn't tell _you_ because I didn't want to worry you about something you couldn't do anything about" Hermione asked another question, "She was a nurse; she saw what alcohol could do to a person _everyday_; why didn't she get help?" Hermione was crying now. "She didn't think that she had a problem."

Her dad then told her about how her mum was passed out that time on the couch. He then reminded her the time in bout third grade that her mum had given her a tiny bit of whisky, honey, and lemon juice to soothe her throat when she was sick. Hermione remembered this vividly because she had to plug her nose and countdown to drink it because it was so vile. "Do you remember that the bottle was full?" She did. She also remembered the next morning seeing the bottle completely empty in the trash. "I thought that she had poured it out." Her father shook his head sadly. "Why didn't you do something, _anything_? You could've broken the bottles; you could've forced her to get help!" "Honey, I tried. She realized what I was doing and started to hide the bottles. I also tried to convince her to get help but you can't force someone to get help. If they don't think that they need it and they don't believe there is a problem they won't accept it and the problem would never get solved." Hermione accepted the answer and her father patted her on the knee.

He was crying now and asked her if she wanted to see mum. Hermione told him yes and he helped her up and they walked hand in hand through the hospital doors and up to her mothers' room.

She was shocked at what she saw. Half of her rather large family (cousins, aunts, and uncles) was in her mums' room and there were red eyes everywhere. Her mum was lying in the bed, pale as a ghost, and a large tube of black charcoal was going up her nose. Hermione gasped and started to cry harder. Her aunt walked over and hugged her as she cried. They stood there that way for about an hour. Hermione eventually walked out to the waiting room and was greeted by the other half of her family's solemn faces.

She spent the entire first day sobbing. By the end she felt dried up.

The rest of the week was similar and she stayed at her aunts' house that lived nearby and visited her mom everyday. In the gift shop she picked out a blonde rag doll and set it on her mums' pillow up by her head. She got a little sad when she noticed that some of the charcoal had gotten on the dolls foot.

In the middle of the week her aunt gave her the seventeenth anniversary necklace that her mom had been wearing at the time she was brought in. She told her that this was hers to wear until her mom get out of the hospital. They were being optimistic not even allowing the other to mention her actually dying. They were sure that she was going to pull through and then get the help that she needed. Hermione didn't cry again that week after the first day.

That next Monday when she walked into the hospital her father, who had been sleeping in the lobby, pulled her aside. He told her that her mums' vital organs were shutting down and that if she were to wake up out of the coma now she would live as a vegetable. He asked Hermione if she agreed to take her off of life support. She did and they planned to do it after doctors checked her to see if she could donate organs.

Hermione let her father go back up to the lobby of the floor her mom was on and she went to the right of the main lobby into the hospital chapel. It was tiny. Hermione sat on one of the mini pews and tried to comprehend that her mum was going to die. That she was never going to talk to her and hear her respond again. That she was never going to be able to do traditional mother-daughter things with her again, that she was going to truly be gone. Hermione couldn't do it and left the chapel with as dry of eyes as she went in with.

Later that day Hermione went in to say goodbye. After she left her father and the doctors went in alone. Her dad had told her that he didn't want to see her die so she wasn't allowed in the room. She waited in the lobby for him to come back. Later, while they were driving back home Hermione wanted to cry, she held back the painful lump in her throat however because her dad told the fist joke he had the entire week. He was dealing with the situation with humor so that he didn't break down. Hermione then looked out the window that still had the words "Happy 17th, I Love You" that her mom had wrote for her and her dad's anniversary in red lipstick. **(A: N/ It stayed there for over a year, we didn't want to get rid of it but finally the rain took it away)**

July 3rd was her funeral.

July 7th her dad left for China on business. Hermione stayed with her aunt and cousins

August 7th he was supposed to come back. He was delayed because the men misused one of the machines he had set up and it broke.

August 7th Hermione listened to a muggle artist named Billy Gilman while she was supposed to be asleep and sobbed the entire night.

August 11th her dad came home.

Hermione finished speaking and looked up from her feet where she had been staring for the whole story. Ron and Harry looked sad. Harry had tears in his eyes and Ron was trying to remove all traces of the tears that had been rolling down his cheeks. They were sad for her. Harry especially, he knew a bit about what she was feeling. Hermione moved her eyes and looked at the fireplace, not once blinking. The trio sat by the fire for a long time before Hermione whispered, "The night that she left to go to London she woke me up at about three a.m. and told me goodbye and that she loved me. That was the last time I heard her speak. It was almost as if she knew what was going to happen." Silent tears were now rolling softly down Hermiones' cheek. "I'm sorry," Harry whispered his voice barely audible. Hermione said in a volume level matching Harry's, "Me too."

**A: N/ Hey you guys. This chapter was very hard for me to write because everything in the story Hermione told** **happened to me when I was ten. I didn't want to change it so I apologize if some of Hermiones' speech or thoughts seem a bit childish or obvious, that is how I reacted at the time. I want to ask a favor from you guys, please no flames on this chapter. I can handle them and they don't really bother me all that much normally but this chapter is really personal for me. So if you didn't like it or you thought it completely sucked don't tell me.**

**Love, Katie**


	8. Inept HushHush

Chapter Eight- Inept Hush-Hush

**Chapter Eight- Inept Hush-Hush**

About a week passed after Hermione told Harry and Ron what had happened and they began to treat her as if she was fragile. Hermione didn't really like it. She _was _indeed more vulnerable but she didn't want her friends to act like it. It hadn't bothered her enough yet however, so she didn't mention it.

Nothing much had happened during the week other than a fresh bat of slashes on Hermiones' body. It was as if she was becoming addicted to cutting. Anytime she felt down she skipped off to a bathroom to _deal_ with it. She had also written a new poem. **(A: N/ It isn't that good but I wrote it in eighth grade during civics. That was three years ago so bear with me.)**

**Despondent Behavior**

_When I look in the mirror_

_What do I see?_

_I see someone ugly_

_Someone I wish wasn't me_

_When I go to my room_

_Instead of scream or shout_

_I get out my knife_

_To let all my pain out_

_When I go to the cabinet_

_I get out a pill_

_When I take it I'm free_

_I don't consume 'cause I'm ill_

_When I look at my scars_

_I relive all the strife_

_I get out the gun_

_And end my life_

_-Hermione Granger_

As of right now Hermione was sitting in Potions class taking notes on the side effects of certain antidotes for poisons. Professor Snape was sitting behind his desk and watching the students copy from the blackboard.

He got bored though and decided that it was a good time for him to go to his office. He told Malfoy that he was in charge and left the silent room.

Malfoy immediately was crowded by other Slytherins. They nearly worshiped the ground upon which he walked. It was disgusting. A few of the Gryffindors shot looks at each other knowing that if any of them did anything but copy notes then they would get detention.

After a few endless minutes Hermione heard Malfoys' voice get loud. She didn't let it distract her much though until she heard her surname being thrown in the mix.

"…Completely broken up about it. After class she will probably go off and sob about it in the lavatory. I bet she is just doing it for the attention. I would probably lie to everyone about my mum dying too if I knew that it would make everyone do things for me. Did you hear about the special talk the headmaster had with her, man she really has people wrapped around her finger!"

Ron and Harry leapt up to their feet after hearing this monologue and started towards Malfoy. Ron was nearly purple with anger and Harrys' eyebrows were furrowed with rage. Hermione grabbed her things together and shoved them hastily into her book bag. She then pulled out her wand and flicked it in Draco Malfoys' direction.

The effect was immediate and successful. Hermione grabbed Ron and Harry and dragged them out of the room leaving a few sharp-beaked sparrow hawks pecking at Malfoy. One poked Malfoy particularly hard in the crotch. Malfoys' screams sounded like music as Hermione walked quickly away from the classroom forcing (by magic) Harry and Ron with her.

"You two do _not_ need to fight my battles. And if I would appreciate it a lot if you two would stop doing _everything_ for me, it only gives Malfoy ammunition." Ron and Harry looked frustrated but nodded. "Now I need to go to the bathroom, so if you will excuse me." The two boys offered to walk with her but she declined and told them that this was one that she was going to have to face alone. They got the point and told her that they would be in the common room.

Hermione walked to a nearby bathroom and transformed a slice of toilet paper into a shiny razor blade. It was an old-fashioned double sided one. She pulled down the black pants she was wearing and looked at her hip. With nine careful, deep motions she created a good-sized broken heart. She pressed tissue paper to the wound to stop the blood flow after watching it flow for a few moments. She let the wad of tissue stay there as she pulled up her pants. It was a makeshift bandage until she got another. Next she pulled off her robe and rolled up her white arm sleeve. She wanted to make it ten. She pressed the blade against the skin right under her hand next to the tendon.

The cut was clean and went vertically across the skin. It was quite deep and bled a lot. Hermione tried to get it to stop. She then heard the bathroom door open and someone else walk in. "Hermione?" Hermione answered meekly, "Yes?" She paused what she was doing and began to panic. It was Ginny. "Hi it's Ginny. Um… Harry and Ron sent me to come and make sure you didn't…um… "Fall in" I think was their expression. My class just ended and they met me in the hallway. They claimed you had been in here for a good half hour…" Hermione told Ginny that she was okay and that she was just about to leave. She then hoped that Ginny would accept that and leave to tell Ron and Harry.

No such luck. Hermione peeked under the stall and saw Ginnys' worn out shoes waiting. She sighed and furiously tried to stop the bleeding. Ginnys' foot began to tap and Hermione just held down the tissue and rolled down her sleeve. She hoped for the best when she stepped out of the stall with her things. She had flushed the razorblade down the toilet right before Ginny had walked in. She walked over to the sink and washed her hands. The girls headed to leave after Hermione finished and had almost made it to the door when Ginny gasped and exclaimed that Hermione was bleeding. _Crap! It was soaking through her shirt_ Hermione realized. She told Ginny that earlier her wrist got cut on something and in the bathroom had started to bleed. Hermione had been trying to stop it when Ginny walked in and that was why she had been taking so long. Ginny calmly asked what she cut it on. She then reached over and slid up Hermiones' sleeve and removed the toilet paper. There was the cut in all its' glory. "I-I d-d-don't remember." Hermione was nervous and knew that Ginny could see through her lie. Great. Hermione was transparent, like plastic wrap.

"What really happened Hermione, no crap story this time," Ginny demanded. Hermione sat down against the wall and motioned for Ginny to do the same. She then poured out the real reason for her cookie-cutter cut.

Ginny told Hermione that she needed to get help. Hermione just responded simply that it wasn't a problem and that she could stop any time she wanted to. That it just helped her to blow off some steam. That it wasn't a big deal and that she wasn't about to go and kill herself. Hermione then told Ginny that medically speaking all that she was doing was hurting a little bit of surface level tissue that would repair itself, nothing big.

Ginny relented and told Hermione she would keep it quiet as long as Hermione could control herself. Hermione agreed and the two girls walked out of the bathroom as if nothing had happened.

**Lies that Scar**

_I cut my arms and slash my thighs_

_But pretend that I'm alright_

_I paint myself a happy picture_

_To help me sleep at night_

_Some see the pain beneath me_

_But "understand" that I need to cope_

_They turn away their faces_

_Which reinforces all my hopes_

_Nothing's out of the ordinary_

_Just numbly getting by_

_I will make up countless stories_

_And force you to believe my lie_

_The world thinks it's such an ugly act_

_But none of them have tried_

"_Slap their wrists to make them stop_

_Cutting won't heal their lonely cries"_

_With needle and thread it won't stitch the hurt_

_But only I know it helps_

_It removes me from a vicious world_

_And refocuses me somewhere else_

_So you can tell me to use my voice and words_

_That it's okay to scream and shake_

_But __**I **__have to decide to stop alone_

_It's my own choice to make_

_-Hermione Granger_

After Ron and Harry got over Hermiones' long bathroom visit wait they walked with her to the library to spend the remainder of their free time doing homework. In the middle of this Harry tried to kick Ron under the table to get his attention. His foot made contact and Ron almost shouted out. He looked up at his friend who was obviously making a motion for Ronald to talk to the girl sitting beside him. Rons' eyes got very wide and he shook his head violently. Hermione, who was completely involved in an essay, did not notice anything happening around her. Ron slid out a spare piece of parchment and scribbled to Harry the sentence '_She is still __**way **__too vulnerable. It would be like taking advantage of her.'_ Harry rolled his eyes but dismissed the subject.

The trio worked on miscellaneous schoolwork until lunch. They then walked to the Great Hall making light jokes along the way. When they sat down at the Gryffindor table Hermione smiled at Ginny who smiled back. Ginny wasn't happy about what Hermione was doing but was convinced that Hermione was a smart girl who wasn't _seriously_ injuring herself.

They ate and talked with each other about classes and the professors. No one mentioned Malfoy and his actions in Potions. The trio knew that they would receive hell from Professor Snape soon and decided to be happy while they still could.

During the ending of lunch Colin Creevy walked over to Harry and gave him a note. This was it and they knew it. Harry opened the note and almost immediately threw it to Ron in disgust. Ron read it too and exclaimed, "There is no way he can do that to us!" Hermione grabbed the paper and found out what the commotion was. Professor Snape had scheduled a detention for the first Quiddich match of the season _and_ taken away seventy-five Gryffindor house points. Hermione looked up to the house hourglass and noticed that it was nearly empty, only a few red rubies littering the bottom. Hermione sighed and her eyes caught Professor Snapes' eye. He was looking at her and smiling. His smile told it all. He knew _exactly _what Draco had been doing to deserve the punishment and he didn't care. Hermione was positive now that Severus Snape had not one sensitive or compassionate bone in his body.

**A: N/ **I know this was short but I have been writing a lot this past week and I ran out of ideas. Please keep reviewing!

3

Katie London


	9. What's That Smell?

**Chapter Nine- What's that Smell?**

The day of their detention came quickly and Harry, Ron, and Hermione walked down to the dungeons. They walked into the musty classroom and saw the expected Snape. They also saw a very smug, very blonde jerk. Malfoy had come to watch.

Snape quickly set them quickly to reorganizing the student potions cupboard. He wanted everything resorted, re-labeled, and for them to create an inventory. Harry and Ron sighed but Hermione was grateful. This would be a cinch. Hermione was one of the most organized people at Hogwarts. She thought she may even enjoy this detention. Snape told them that if they finished early to come and speak with him. He also unnecessarily told them that they were to complete the task _without_ magic.

Hermione walked over to the closet and opened its' doors. This is when Malfoy laughed out loud. Snape had taken all of the dry ingredients and mixed them together. The liquid had different labels. Snape smirked and then left the room telling the trio that he expected them to work hard and that if the time ran out then they were to work until it was finished.

Hermione looked at the top of the closet and grabbed a textbook. Inside she knew was a complete detailed description of all of the ingredients that they would find in the closet. Harry and Ron squatted down and began to sift through the mixed ingredients. They started to take them out and fill the empty boxes (where the dry ingredients one resided) with ingredients of their kind. The boxes had no labels or were too worn to read them so they put them where they saw fit. Hermione began searching through the book and making labels for the boxes Harry and Ron were filling using a roll of white tape Snape had sat on a desk near the closet and her quill.

After they had begun working Malfoy hovered over them making quiet snide comments when he saw fit.

Ron, Harry, and Hermione tried to ignore him and apologized after Malfoy "accidentally" tripped over Ron's shoe that had "appeared out of nowhere". This pissed Malfoy off and he rudely said, "Maybe you should buy shoes that can watch themselves then, huh, Weasel? Oh but wait, I forgot, you can't afford new shoes can you?"

After his remark Harry grabbed his nose and shouted, "Gross what's that smell? Oh _disgusting_, Malfoy, close your mouth!" Hermione sniggered and Malfoy turned to her and said, "Mudblood, close your legs!"

Ron jumped up and was about to shut Malfoys' mouth for him when Professor Snape walked in the door. "Problem?" he asked in a monotone voice. Malfoy exclaimed, "he was about to try and fight me, Professor. I was just watching their progress, or lack there of, and he jumped up." Malfoys' eyes had grown wide and he put on the charm for the man before him. He didn't need to however and he knew that. He knew that even if he told him what had _really _happened Snape would twist the situation in his favor. _That_ was a given.

Snape issued out another detention set for the next Quidditch match and calmly said while staring at the wall across from him, "If you three keep this up I expect that you will miss the _entire_ Quidditch season. What a _pity_ Potter, being captain and all." He sniggered to himself before walking back out of the room. Harry told Ron to sit down and to ignore Malfoy. Ron obliged but was _very_ unhappy about it.

Hermione sat on the floor and angrily continued sorting through the ingredients. She was trying to keep her cool and composure so that she didn't go crazy. She breathed deeply. Harry and Ron resumed the set task while whispering to each other about ways to kill Malfoy and get away with it. Ron laughed and Malfoy seized his opportunity.

"Not even _you two_ can keep from whispering about the mudblood behind her back. I mean, I know it's great that her filthy, _muggle_ mother virtually off-ed herself but I would figure that even you two would have the decency to wait until she left the room. You _are_ her paramours or whatever, aren't you?" Hermione yelled at Ron and Harry who had lunged forward. After casting several charms at the two boys she finally was able to contain them. They were fuming. Where did Malfoy get off thinking that he could go around saying things like he was?

Hermione spoke to her friends in a soothing tone telling them that it didn't matter what he was saying and that Malfoy was just being a prick because he was compensating for the lack of something else. The boys calmed down and began to work again. They were about halfway done sorting everything and Hermione had already relabeled all of the liquid ingredients. She had also made the form for inventory and added all of the liquids. She needed to wait until Harry and Ron were finished before adding their ingredients. She peered into the book and began to try and identify a brown spongy item in front of her.

While concentrated on the task an owl flew into the classroom and deposited a letter in front of Hermione. Ron and Harry failed to notice with their heads bent down and their voices jabbering back and forth with one another. Hermione opened the letter and in Malfoys silky script it said, '_Just kill yourself. Why waste your time pretending everything is okay? This way is easier; no one would miss you anyways. What have you got to lose?' _Hermione quickly hid the letter in her pocket and continued her work. She tried to ignore it.

A few hours later Hermione sighed and picked herself off of the dungeon room floor. Harry and Ron had already gotten up. They had finally finished and in the last hour or so Malfoy had gotten bored with antagonizing them and left the room. They walked up to Professor Snapes' desk where he had decided to perch and claimed they were finished. He dismissed them after reminding them of the next time they were to meet.

The trio left the room and walked to the Gryffindor tower with their heads dropped. They were exhausted and so they didn't talk. Once they arrived they bid each other a goodnight and left to their beds. Hermione opened her door and gasped at what she saw. Twelve owls were perched miscellaneously about her room. They all had letters tied to their legs. Hermione walked over to a tawny school owl and untied the parchment that was attached. He hooted and flew away. Hermione opened the paper and saw that someone had drawn a picture of her cutting her wrist. The letter was sat on the bed and Hermione quickly untied all of the other letters. One had a drawn cartoon of her mother telling her that if she killed herself they would be reunited. Another showed a drawing of Hermione hanging in a noose. Yet another depicted her stomach with the letters M-O-M sliced onto her skin.

Hermione was scared. How did anyone know about this? More specifically, how did _Malfoy_ know about this? She was positive it was him and she was going to figure out what was going on.

She summoned all of the letters and sent them zooming into a desk drawer to keep for proof if need be. Hermione then summoned a fresh parchment and a quill. She scribbled a quick note to Malfoy telling him to meet her at the Room of Requirement. She knew he knew where it was. She also told him to 'need' a place to sit. Hermione left her room and walked to the owlery. It was nine o' clock but thankfully Heads and patrolling prefects had until eleven to be out of their dormitories. Hermione was thinking about how she was going to go about getting an answer out of Malfoy when she found herself at the entry to the owlery. She opened the door and walked in. Ron was petting Pig and encouraging the tiny owl to send off a letter. Hermione laughed as Pig flew out the window, letter weighing the little body down.

"Oh! Hey, Hermione," Ron stated looking around at his surroundings, his cheeks pink. Hermione returned the greeting and then told Ron that she was going to go talk to Malfoy about Head business and that if she wasn't back in an hour and a half to look for her. Ron sensed that Hermione wouldn't tell him what they were going to discuss so he didn't push the subject. Hermione bid him a goodbye and quickly tied her letter to a barn owl and watched it soar out the window towards the school doors. Hermione peered closer out of the window and saw that the owl, intelligent bird he was, flew into the doors after Filch, the caretaker, opened them to take a nightly stroll/hobble.

Hermione turned around and left the owlery and quickly made her way to the blank space that occupied a wall in the seventh floor corridor. She thought about needing a place to sit and paced the wall three times before a large, heavy door appeared. She quickly opened it and walked inside. Inside the room were couches, loveseats, and cushy chairs everywhere. Hermione picked a loveseat to sit upon near a fire that was roaring nearby. The fire was warm and before Hermione could stop herself she eased off into an uneasy sleep.

"I didn't come here to waste my time watching you sleep," an annoying voice stated interrupting her slumber. Hermiones' eyes peeked open and she pulled herself up from the awkward position her body had fallen into.

"Her mind quickly adjusted and she calmly retorted, "So how much time did you waste with all of those sick and morbid drawings you sent?" Malfoy smirked, which Hermione hadn't been expecting. "Mudblood, when are you finally going to understand something about me? I don't waste my time doing _anything_ I don't want to do. I made Crabbe and Goyle do it, and believe me did they have fun." Hermione wasn't expecting him to confess so easily. "How do you know about everything," she asked tautly. "Do you really expect me to tell you everything?" He replied, looking genuinely happy at the shape her anger face contorted into. Hermione told him that she thought he was a horrible excuse for a human being. He also thought that this was amusing. Then he waved goodbye and simply stated, "You know Granger? You really _should_ take my suggestions to heart. I mean after all it was, in essence, _you_ who killed your mum. If you hadn't been so selfish about coming here then she wouldn't have had a reason to go loony like she did. _Good job_. Look what you have caused for your father, imagine how he feels knowing his own daughter was responsible for everything. I bet your conscience is feeling great right now, huh?" He replied with a sarcastic tone. Then he left the room to go and continue to wreak havoc.


	10. The Way She Feels

Chapter Nine- The Way She Feels

**Chapter Ten- The Way She Feels**

**A: N/ **The song _The Way She Feels _is by Between the Trees. I do not own it. The song is actually about God, which is how I take it when I listen/ sing it but for this story it isn't. The video is amazing, it is on YouTube, so check it out and tell me what you thought about it. This next part is completely fictional and parts of the last parts are as well. I _did not_; I repeat _did not_ go through the next part of the story. But if you experienced something similar and want someone who doesn't know you to talk to about it, I am all ears. My email address is so yeah. Also Between the Trees supports a foundation (you have probably heard of) called To Write Love on Her Arms, check that out a . Oh and another foundation I _love_ is called Heart Support, you should also check that out. I think the website is if not then google it.

**P.S. A/ N: **I'm sorry for taking so long to update. This _is_ the final chapter and I wanted to make it good. It also took a bit of inspiration to write it. Luckily for you guys though that burst of inspiration came from the Christ in Youth: MOVE Summer Conference. It was amazing, and also part of the reason I didn't post… it was in California and my computer was in Arizona so… Also I have band camp this week so that is also why this chapter (and the previous chapter) are so late. I apologize, BUT I did write two chapters for you AND ended the story so there is no more waiting for you!

Hermione leapt off of the couch only to be met by resistance by her sore body. Her stress was catching up with her. Hermione was very angry and started to express it under her breath. She walked over to a particularly fat chair and kicked it. She was _furious_ that Malfoy thought that he could just walk all over people. He was an insufferable jerk. What gave him the right to say such nasty things to unsuspecting people? Hermione hadn't done anything to him that Ron and Harry hadn't done. He didn't even know what he was talking about '_If you hadn't been so selfish about coming here then she wouldn't have had a reason to go loony like she did' _Hermione ripped him apart in her mind before the words seized their opportunity and settled in her head and made a home there.

Soon Hermione found herself sitting in the fat red chair. She was dissecting Malfoys' mini-monologue. She was angry at herself now, she _had _killed her mum. She_ had_ been too self-centered.

She was responsible for it. She was at fault. Hermione was sincerely surprised that her father hadn't disowned her yet. She was sincerely surprised that she hadn't really connected the pieces yet.

Hermione was still angry, but this time at herself.

_She's upset, bad day_

_Heads for the dresser drawer _

_To drive her pain away_

_Nothing good can come of this_

Hermione opened her robes to get her razor blade out of her pocket. She was just going to stop thinking about it. She then pulled off each of her trainers. She switched the razorblade between her middle and ring finger on her left hand so that she could take off her jeans. Once the fitted material was off Hermione could feel her legs breathe. She took the razorblade into her right hands and gripped it with her thumb and first two fingers. Quickly, impatient for relief she brought the knife down and stuck the point of it into her skin and ripped it downward.

_She opens it there's nothing _

_There is only left over tears_

_Mom and dad had no right she screams_

_As the anger runs down both of her cheeks_

_Then she closed her eyes_

_She found relief in a knife_

_The blood flows as she cries_

The rush was too much. Hermione soon was out of control. She nearly cut the flesh off of her thighs. Blood was pouring freely to the ground. She could see this but she was numb. She kept digging at the skin on her legs. Soon it seemed only two pink lumps of flesh were left. Hermione moved to her inner thigh and continued gauging in a fresh piece of flesh.

She was going to kill herself. She decided. It was the _only_ way to help her father cope with Hermione virtually murdering her mum. It was the only way to redeem what she did. This would also help the rest of the school exempt Harry and Ron. They saw her as nothing more than a nerdy bookworm.

She was crying freely now. She wanted to die. She wanted everything to be over. She was losing quite a bit of blood and knew she would probably pass out soon.

_Then she closed her eyes_

_She found relief in a knife_

_The blood flows as she cries_

Hermione took the razor blade and plunged it into the new flesh and drove it in a vertical downward motion. She gasped. This cut hurt a lot more than the others. She looked at the laceration. Her eyes widened immediately as she saw how much blood was flowing from her leg. She realized that it was the saphenous vein (a vein in the leg that runs from the foot to the thigh near the surface of the skin). Hermione quickly realized that she _was _going to die. She quickly realized that unless something was to happen in the next few minutes she would become very quick friends with Moaning Myrtle.

Hermione also realized that she did _not_ like the pain she was feeling from her leg. Every other time the pain was very minor and quickly went away. Hermione was in it for the blood, it worked well for a distraction.

_Curled up she's on the floor_

_Relief left her _

_She had hoped for something more from it_

_Hoped for something more_

_From it_

Hermione then quickly realized that she didn't want to die. She did not want to hurt Harry and Ron. Harry and Ron. Harry and Ron! How could she not have thought of them? Hermione let the razor blade gracefully fall to the cold floors of the room. She then got up as quickly as her raw flesh would allow and wrapped herself in her robe. She then hobbled over to the door. She opened it, the heaviness of it nearly crushing her fragile body to the ground. On the other side of the door, pacing, with a pained expression on his face, was Ronald Weasley. He looked up and cried out at the sight before him. Hermione was nearly doubled over and a small puddle of blood was forming under her robes from where she had paused by the door. She was sobbing and whispering something along the lines of, "Sorry…help…don't want to die." Ron immediately ran over to her and caught her as she fainted. He carried her and ran as fast as he possibly could to the infirmary. She was light in his arms and he was able to get there in about a minute.

_He leans down to comfort her_

_She is weeping _

_And he wraps his arms around_

_And around and around and_

Madame Pomfrey wasn't in the room so Ron started to shout at the top of his lungs. "HELP! HELP IN THE INFIRMARY! THIS GIRL IS GOING TO DIE! SOMEONE GET IN HERE! HELP! WAKE UP! THIS IS NO TIME TO BE SLEEPING! HELP! EMERGENCY!" His voice roared through the castle and Peeves came in to see what the commotion was. "Oh, Weasel what do we have- I'll go get her," the poltergeist said after seeing Hermione. Ron was thankful for his help because Peeves could get to Madame Pomfrey faster than anyone else.

Less then a minute later, the angel herself appeared. She saw Hermione lying on a bed where Ron had laid her down gently.

"Oh my. My, my, my," Madame Pomfrey said before whipping out her thin, long wand. She used a spell that would continually pump blood into Hermiones' system until she regained all that she had lost. Madam Pomfrey then began to charm the wounds closed, starting with the nearly fatal one that ripped apart the saphenous vein.

Ron watched out of the way though he turned his head when Madam Pomfrey disrobed her. He was sobbing. He was confused. He didn't know what had happened, all he knew was that Draco Malfoy had had something to do with it and that he was going to pay. But first Ron was going to need some answers from Hermione. Rons' tears splashed silently to the floor and he tried to wipe his face. He needed to be strong for when Hermione woke up. That was very hard however, considering that the girl he was completely and madly in love with was lying on a bed after nearly bleeding to death.

_'What if I hadn't gotten there in time? What if I was too late and she died? Where would I be then? What would I do? What would Harry do? He had already lost nearly everyone around him. Why did this happen? Why her??"_

Ron was fighting to hold back tears. He was losing. Hermione was the reason he didn't fake sick more often. She was the reason he tried to be more than he was. She was the reason he was alive. She had saved Harry and himself several times with her intense knowledge of subjects he hadn't deemed worthy enough to study.

Hermione made his heart flip-flop by merely complimenting him. She was the star of many of his dreams. She was who Ron wanted to spend the rest of his life with. She was the only one for him yet she didn't know it yet. Even if she never returned the feelings he had for her, Ron knew he would never love another as much as her. Now she was here, almost dead and he had absolutely no answers.

Ron was able to compose himself mostly. He was aching with pain on the inside but he was able to nearly hide it. This was good news because soon after Madam Pomfrey healed her legs and stopped the blood flow Hermione woke up. Ron got the okay to turn back around by the nurse soon before and saw her covered in a white cloth gown.

Hermione slowly sat up and Madame Pomfrey ran over to her and gave her a bar of chocolate and then told her that the Headmaster would be down soon to discuss with her the night's events. Then the nurse turned to Ron and told him to leave. Hermione heard this and shouted, "NO! I need him to stay!" Madame Pomfrey gave her an irritated nod before leaving the room.

Hermione slowly lifted her gown and looked at her thighs, leaving the fabric down far enough to not show anything.

Her thighs were heavily scarred. Madame Pomfrey was able to heal them completely but was unable to get rid of the scars. Hermione then started to count them. Ron watched her with a wrinkled brow. Silent tears ran slowly down his pale face as he reached out and ran his finger over a dark purple scar. Hermione peered up into his face and told him that there was roughly two hundred cuts.

Ron looked sadly at her and whispered, "How did this happen Hermione?" Hermione was ready to tell him, ready to explain her irrational actions. Ready to repent.

She sighed and told him about her cutting herself for the past few months and about what Draco did. She knew she should probably leave him out of it but realized that she couldn't explain herself fully unless she did. She realized she just wanted to tell Ron everything.

Ron listened to her story and started to cry harder, against his will. He thought about how selfish he was that he never noticed, and about how hopeless she must have felt. How lonely.

Hermione reached up to Rons' face and wiped away a tear. She finished her story and looked up into his dark blue eyes. They were filled with pain and that broke Hermiones' heart. She started to cry too and then she wrapped her arms around Rons' waist the best she could sitting down and whispered that she was sorry. Ron immediately pulled away and told him that he was sorry. Sorry he was too preoccupied to notice, sorry he wasn't good enough to be there to help her, sorry that he ignored her pain as something that she would just 'get over'. Then he told her that all of the scars on her legs were beautiful but that they shattered his heart. He then told her that one day they would be a faint memory of a darker past that lead to a better future.

_The deeper you cut the deeper I hurt_

_The deeper you cut it only gets worse_

_The deeper you cut the deeper I hurt_

_The deeper you cut it only gets worse_

_It gets worse_

_**Two Months Later (Epilogue)**_

Hermione left Dumbledores' office where he had been acting as a therapist, helping Hermione sift through her memories and emotions. She felt more alive than she had since before her mum died. Harry and Ron were a huge support system, now that Hermione felt she could talk to them about nearly anything.

_She's slowly opening_

_She's slowly opening_

_New eyes_

Hermione walked back to the dormitory and thought about Dumbledores' assignment for her: to write a poem about her experience. She had shared with him her other poetry and he told her that she had talent.

Once arriving at the Fat Lady's portrait Hermione told her the password and then climbed into the hole. Ron and Harry were waiting by the fire as they usually were when Hermione got back from "therapy". They liked to discuss what happened and hear what Dumbledore wanted her to do. Hermione filled them in to what the session was about. They listened and then waited to hear about the assignment. Hermione told them and they quickly asked what she was going to write.

She told them that they were going to have to wait for a while to find out. She wanted it to be a surprise. Hermione _really_ didn't tell them because she didn't exactly know what she was going to write.

After making small talk for a little while Harry yawned loudly and announced that he was going to go to bed. Hermione still wanted to study so she told him goodnight and got up out of her chair. As she waved to an uncomfortable looking Ron she started to make her way out of the room.

Ron leapt up quickly from his chair though and yelled, "Wait!" then he paused as she looked around at him, "I want to talk to you about something." Hermione walked over to the red Ron and asked him what it was. He simply told her that they needed to find somewhere more remote to talk.

They two walked out of the room and went to an empty classroom. Ron was eager to get the next few minutes over with so he jumped right into what he wanted to say.

"Hermione. We have been friends for a very long time…" He was unsure of how to continue. Hermione looked on to him patiently but Ron could tell she wanted him to continue. "Okay… and I know that I am not enough for you but… I have been in love with you since the end of first year, after you saved me from those green vine things…" Ron rushed the last part. He then registered the shock on Hermiones' face and turned around to leave. Hermione caught Ron mutter the words, "Wow, I feel like a real wanker," under his breath and Hermione instantly pulled on his should to flip him back towards hr again.

Hermione grabbed his face with her small hands and pressed her lips to his. Ron gasped in the kiss but returned it with hesitance. Hermione pulled away and began, "Ronald Weasley do not _ever_ say that you are not good enough for someone. You are one of the _best_ people that I know and probably will _ever_ know. Do you hear me? Another thing, mister, you caught me of guard I had an excuse to be shocked. I was not rejecting you."

Ron looked ashamed down at the floor and asked, "So… what _do_ you think about me?" Hermione smiled and kissed him again. She then pulled away and whispered into his shoulder, "I think I've loved you since I saw you on the train first year with all of that dirt on your nose." She laughed and slowly wrapped her arms around his thin waist.

He then asked her, "but why? I'm not funny, I'm not perfect, I'm not rich, and I'm not the "Boy-Who-Lived". I am poor, inexperienced, and second best to a kid who is destined to save us. I'm nobody."

Hermione looked at the boy in front of her and simply stated, "I love you because you are the "kid" who saved _me_. If it wasn't for you, _Ronald Weasley_, I wouldn't be here today. You saved me from myself and then helped me find the strength to deal with my past in a way that won't kill me. _**And**_ you are the only _man_ who would ask that question."

_Then she opened her eyes_

_She found relief in his life_

_And put down her knife_

_Whoa_

_Then she opened her eyes_

_Found relief in his eyes_

_And put down, she put down her life_

**Clearing up Writers Block**

_My scars depict my story_

_I carefully wrote with steel_

_I ripped apart old chapters_

_And refused to let them heal_

_My story almost ended_

_When I ran out of ink_

_The last page was quickly turning_

_The book began to shrink_

_I fought to keep it going_

_Struggled against the writing block_

_Felt the bind closing up_

_And openly displayed my shock_

_You found the story dying_

_Falling to the ground_

_You picked up the book_

_It was lost and now was found_

_I can hear the pages turning_

_Over the dark details from before_

_It was able to continue_

_Because you saved it from the floor_

**-Hermione Granger**

**Poem Dedicated to Ronald Weasley**

**A: N/** Hey. So that is it, I hope you liked it. I want all of the readers here to know that self-injury is a big problem. HeartSupport (that's how the foundation spells it (without a space)) has a quote that say 1 in 5 people self-injure in some way or have in the past, whether it be burning, picking at scabs, cutting, bruising, whatever. I dealt with this and did deal with it for four years. I made a commitment at CIY (Christ in Youth) to stop. I am on the road to recovery and I know that with Gods' strength I will be able to stop and then help others by being able to relate to them on a personal level. If you have any questions or if you deal with self injury and you want someone to talk to then I am open. Also, this is the number for the Teen Hope line, if you want to talk to someone anonymously 1-800-394-4673. They are open Monday-Saturday and are willing to talk.

"Stop the bleeding. Rescue is possible. Love is the movement." –

Thank you to all of you who favorited this story, that was very cool for you to do. I award you kudos plus (_big_ bonus) A STAR! On your HAND!! How very rewarding!!

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